Onward and Upward

Easy enough right? Onward and upward. It's been nearly 2 weeks since my father passed away and somehow life still continues to move onward and upward. There are days, moments, minutes, seconds that I pause and wonder if I can keep going. My heart breaks, aches, ponders and every other adjective in between yet I am still here, I am still standing strong. They say that God does not put more on us then we can really handle. Wow...he must think I am superwoman! How do we pull ourselves together and move forward? I don't know. I'm not sure I feel all that pulled together and I'm not sure I am really moving forward. There are times when it feels like I am just fumbling through the motions, it is just a routine. But life isn't a routine, there is nothing "normal" about it...at least not my life. There is a reason my Blog title is Total Thompson Chaos. I need not say anything more. I am learning to address my emotions and my feelings. I am learning to take a little time for myself. I am learning that life HAS to go on. My daughters need me, my husband needs me (I think anyway!), my pets need me and I need me. That is how I deal with my sadness, my pain, my grief, and that is how I mourn my father's death. He would want me to, he would expect me to. It has been a strange couple of weeks. It is difficult to put it all into words. It helps to put some of my thoughts and feelings down, they seem scattered to me but I guess that is really what I feel and that is really what I'm going through. I am scattered these days. More than usual.
I think this will just take more time than I anticipated. A part of me will always be empty and missing. But I will do my best to please my father and I will continue to push onward and upward just the way he would have done it.