One Step Ahead

I still can't believe my father is gone. I was there, I saw him. Yup, he's gone. We went to the cemetary, had the funeral...yup, he is gone. Then why can't I seem to accept this? I keep thinking of just picking up the phone and calling him and he will answer in his regular voice, same rapid conversation and then hang up. But...it's real. Real as I sit here an type this. How do I go about moving forward? I'm 34 years old and I feel too young to lose my father. I am angry and confused but I know that I must keep my head up and keep moving forward. It helps to talk about him and it helps to tell his funny stories but of course that won't bring him back. It will take me some time to figure all of this out. One foot in front of the other is all I can focus on doing right now. Even that has its ups and downs. It all seems so surreal.
I miss my father. There aren't words to express how I am feeling. I'm sure this is different for everyone who has experienced this type of loss in your life. How do you make it through? What is the secret? I guess I'll have to muddle through it on my own and in my own way. My girls will help keep me grounded, they already have. My husband is my rock and shoulder to cry on...Lord knows I've done plenty of that the past week. I have a great support system. I shall make it through, come hell or high water. My Dad would want me to...he would expect me to.
My thoughts are all over the board tonight. It is hard to make sense of it all. All I can do is take one step ahead...